Reality and Expectations

“Reality: the domain, the totality of existing things, states or conditions, the objective world as it exists and is perceived (in contrast to assumptions, objects of imagination, etc.)” and just from this definition, reality should be one of those things that we easily “see” and understand… yet on a daily basis, from childhood onward, our perception of reality falters more than anything else and is one of the main reasons for low self-esteem and frustration. Of course, I am not referring to the perception of objects and things because then we would be talking about a disorder, but to the perception of possibilities and emotions both of ourselves and the people around us.

One of the most recognizable examples is found in some parent-child situations… we want our child to be first, better, smarter. And if they get an 8 out of 10, the usual response is “well done, but you can do better”… the question is “can they?”… can our child get a 10? Can we see that our child may not be able to achieve excellence? And why does an 8 mean that our child falls short in ALL aspects compared to other students? Are we inferior parents to those who have top-performing children? And here the concept of expectation enters the conversation… this very fertile concept for our life and evolution as a species on both collective and individual levels, but at the same time, the concept that sometimes gets confused with the ideal and becomes an obstacle. In our work, there are two things that we constantly repeat. One is the question “and how did you feel about that?” and the other concerns expectations and is the phrase “slowly… initially small steps and achievable goals.” The greatest frustrations come when expectations do not walk hand in hand with reality. Given the holidays approaching and family gatherings, we can preempt one of these frustrations… tensions, voices, and small disagreements are part of the real world we live and perceive. Endless smiles, hugs, and songs around the table, without a hint of fatigue or tension, are part of an ideal world. So do not feel that your family is falling short compared to others… tensions rise where there is crowding, and the festive table is one of those crowded moments that some families “enjoy” once or twice a year… do not expect a fairy-tale gathering… the kids will get tired and cry, the adults will feel uncomfortable and whine… all are part of the reality surrounding us, and we are obliged to be not only objective observers with the fear that something will go wrong, but active participants who gradually, step by step will achieve goals and anticipate the achievable.